saturated in destructive misery

unable to claw my way out

only hoping that light 

will turn my way

giving my heart

momentary warmth

is there a cure

to still my overtaxed heart

pounding away 

overexerted and tortured

by every breath I take

lost among the crowds

asking for help,

but no answers come

the futility of it all

drives me crazy

and pushes me further

amongst the throngs

the pulls and pushes

taking me further 

grasping at intangibilities

inexplicable 

dangerously addictive

yet entirely too damaging

There is no hope for me

I’m drowing in misery

pouring forth anguish

felling thoughts of reprieve

insecurity plagues

my exausted mind

withering hopes

making me blind

~

I feel that I should share the events surrounding the weirdness of this photo. There were a lot of forest fires going on around where I lived and for awhile, the wind was blowing in the direction of where I lived. During this time, there was so much ash in the air that there were respiratory advisories. So, outside looked like silent hill, the video game, where ash is slowly falling from the sky as you walked around. It was super cool and  so creepy. The sad part for me was that I was out of state and was only able to experience this for half a day. I have around 10 photos. I don’t wish for this to happen again because it destroys the environment, but I wish I had more. :(

Sorry for the long spiel. 

my heart, breaks so

fragile

lost in seconds

withered in moments

In long waited hours

It’ll bloom again

only to be broken once more

I seek a truth

entangled in lies

lost in my thoughts

beyond my eyes

And I try to climb

out of these low depths

where I sift in a bog

of destructiveness

I will pull myself out

If not by a willful choice,

then by crawling, one motion forward

even if I’m covered in filth

broken and disgusting

If I could fly free

of these insecurities

Leaving the world beyond

the closed door to my heart

defying my own soul

and finally breathing